Song Of The However Long I Feel Like..

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Searching For Bear And Avalanche.

Dreamt my dog Bear was still alive and that we were watching my dad's friend's dog Avalanche. We were in a house in town, although it looked like dad's house (house I grew up in). Must have been living with mom, Sarah and Erin. I saw that a door was open and my dog Bear ran out, then when I went to go after/shut the door, Avalanche escaped, too. Apparently I was pregnant. I ran after them both and eventually Erin and I were driving around town searching for them. We went into a gas station at some point and asked the cashier, no luck. We went back on the road to look for them in the residential areas. I was driving but not paying attention to the road, suddenly a cop car passes us and turns around with its lights on. Suddenly I forget how to drive, but I'm super calm. Maybe this was the future.. The cop somehow was able to get his voice to go through Erin's phone and he said something and all I answered back was that I was still out looking for my dog and hadn't found him. I pulled into a parking lot ahead of us (again, having a hard time remembering how to drive). It seems like the cop stopped me because he knew I was pregnant and was worried about me stressing out.

-- this morning (in real life) I took my temperature and it shot up (I already ovulated). This is called a triphasic pattern when your temperature shoots up twice in one cycle. I think my stupid idiotic mind is subconsciously hopeful I'm pregnant. I was pregnant last November through the end of January when we lost the baby. Around the time the baby died my dog Bear died, and I cried buckets, and was so worried I'd miscarry and did anyways.. I think my body is just on high alert this time in case maybe I am pregnant. Which I highly doubt I am, but I think subconsciously I feel I might be, maybe. Too many months of not being pregnant, I don't want to get my hopes up over a triphasic pattern on my bbt chart. (It isn't an indicator of pregnancy anyways, it can happen without being pregnant, too.) Blah.

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