Womanhood

Yesterday I dreamt that I was laboring and that an ex-old friend was helping get the baby out. 

This morning I remember dreaming I was having major hot flashes and that I realized I was getting old. 

School

Dreamt my kids started going to public school. My daughter didn't really want to go, so I told her she could stay home. Had to find the phone number and tell them that my kids have COVID or something . Then I dreamt that my ex friend sent me a message and I couldn't figure out how to message back so I considered calling her back. 

Weird dream, cuz fuck nah. Not sure why I'd consider that I'm not a talking person. 

Night Swimming

Dreamt Sarah called me and asked me where I was because we had plans to meet at Dad's pond to swim. I freaked out, looked at time, and realized we were running late and it'd get dark really soon (like by the time we get there).. I tried calling dev and no answer. Tried again, no answer. Suddenly two ex friends D+J and their families walk in and I'm confused but somehow remember they were coming with. They ask if I'm ready to go. I freaked out because I don't like people, barely like them as it is, and the house is a mess... I run upstairs (kind of looks like wades house) and look for clothes to wear, bras, etc. Finally I get a hold of dev (he was apparently supposed to pick up pizza and be back, but pizza is getting cold now) and he's already there and was talking to his cousin and forgot to come pick us all up. I scream at him to hurry because people are here and I don't want to wait with them. I go back downstairs and some of the kids are asking me questions.. they meet my corgi... Etc..

Happy Birthday

Hmmm. I was cleaning.. my sister and her friend John were there. Seems like I was pretending to be someone else? We had to sing Happy Birthday and was holding my dog Moses (he passed away awhile ago). 

Escape Rooms

Blech. Dreamt I was in this house with a bunch of other people. Ended up making out with a partner of a friend's. Felt awful but also in love or something. 

Also dreamt me and a bunch of others (husband, my kids, sister, friends, etc) were all in this really weird escape room that can drown you. You have to get out before the water fills up. Everyone kept forgetting to grab my kiddos so I had to grab one, run into the next room, come back, grab the other, etc. I think this happened first, then once we escaped or whatnot is when the first paragraph happened.

Remembered something else. Something kept sparking. Like a heavy-duty battery-operated can opener. I was asking for help to get the sparking to stop before it's start a fire. 

Talking

I don't remember the gist of it, but I do remember at one point an old friend of mine was in a car or a rundown hotel room or something with me. Seems like me and a whole bunch of us were all sleeping or trying to, and I was chatting with her and talking about how we still considered each other friends etc. Kind of apologizing for past crap and just being kind to one another. 

But You Gotta Have Friends..

Ugh. Dreamt an old friend contacted me on messenger but made it look like I was trying to get a hold of them instead... it was weird. I just remember panicking and second-guessing myself whether I accidentally video called them or regular called them.. I dunno. Again, they got into my head and made me feel worthless.. even in my own fuckin dreams. 🙄

Chelsey

I can't remember much, just that I was sitting down playing a game or something on my phone maybe? Or reading a book? And my old childhood friend Chelsey was sitting next to me and she was doing the same and we started talking about whatever it was and that we liked it. 

A Bad Guy Had Scarlet

Dreamt an old family friend had a baby and she visited my dad's house to show the child off. Sarah wouldn't hold the baby, so I did. I think I ended up having to change the baby's diaper.

Then Devin and I were in a building and we were looking for Scarlet. A bad man had her, and we had to do something in order to get her back. I don't remember what.

College Life

I was with some guy I like (not Devin, though). We were with this other guy, and the guy asks if I can drop a "package" (drugs) off to his friend. I'm at this college campus, in a dorm room, and tell him that I have a class to attend and that "a friend might stop me at some point, so I can have her do it." Whoever this friend is, I tell him that she's really against drugs, so she might not do it. I told him that he'll just have to deal with whatever consequences, because I was late for class and we were running out of options. (Whyyy he couldn't do this himself, I don't know.) For some reason, though, maybe before this part of the dream, I actually dropped this package off with her already, because I somehow knew that she would end up doing it. I don't know.. confusing. Anyways, now I'm with a woman in a shower and we are making love. We are in a basement. It's very bachelor pad-like, messy, studio apartment kind of. I don't know what happens to the lady, but afterwards I am in this bachelor pad, and I am searching for Devin. He comes down the stairs with a laundry basket, and I hug him as hard as physically possible. Woke up.

Careless Store

Dreamt I was hanging out with an old high school friend. We were both in a store and there were clothes everywhere. Even on the floor, just strewn about the place. It was a mess. I help the workers clean up the place and put clothes on racks, etc, and when I finish a grateful worker comes up to me and tells me I will probably not get rewarded for my helpfulness, since the store is really careless. I didn't care, though.

Lots Of Tongue

Okay, I might have been going through major sleep paralysis in the first bit of my dream. I know it was lightning and down-pouring, I remember looking out the window. (In my waking life, it was actually storming that night, so maybe it was projecting into my dreams..) I was in the process of awakening, but couldn't move. I remember trying to yell to Devin, who was beside me in bed, "Wake me up! Wake me up!" I felt like I couldn't do it myself, and I could only whisper through my lips. I could hear myself, in my dream, yelling, and myself, outside of my dream, whispering. It was eerie. Finally Devin rolls over, tells me I'm fine, and goes back to bed. Eventually I finally awake completely, but right beforehand I felt someone touch my left hand. I was freaking out thinking a ghost tapped my hand. I couldn't sleep for awhile after that, so I wrote down what happened.

Finally I went back to sleep, and I dreamt that I was visiting my dad and he told me he read my dream blog, about some dream where I was kissing a Quin Twin with "lots of tongue". I was blushing in my dream, embarrassed that he read my blog, but in my waking life I have seriously never dreamt about kissing either twin with 'lots of tongue', or any tongue for that matter - god dammit. :( That was a weird dream, too. The next part I wrote down I don't remember the details, just that my dad's workplace was making a documentary. Then I'm walking to my childhood home. I get to the back porch, and enter the utility room. There are dog beds in the closet area of the utility room, and my dog Bear and Ziggy are there, along with two dogs, Wyatt and Tuffy, whom have passed away in my waking life. I remember my dog Bear kept wanting to bite Tuffy. Tuffy was a fat dachshund, so he was a small little guy compared to Bear's St. Bernard/Lab mix. I was really scared Bear would tear Tuffy to shreds, so I kept forcing myself between them to protect Tuffy. At some point, Bear quit bothering him, so I walked to the living room and looked out the door. It was raining really hard and then these fish the size of big northerns started falling to the ground along with the rain. I got scared and backed away from the door. Then I went back to the utility room and instead of the dogs there, my boyfriend's sister Cherish and her boyfriend Monte were there sitting on a couch (in the utility room, I don't know why). I decided to call Devin, my boyfriend, to see where he was and I heard a little kid's voice in the background. I joked about hearing a kid and tease him about cheating on me and having a family started with some other woman. He got quiet and really defensive then. I bawled, realizing it was true. Cherish gets mad at Devin for what he did, but I leave the house and hang up on him. I decided to walk into the woods, towards the road. I call my aunt Erin and tell her what happened. Then I hang up again and walk some more in the woods. I meet up with Sara Quin and strangely we seem to be in a relationship or something. It doesn't last for long, though. First, Devin's cousin Trevor starts chasing us in the woods. Then, I project out of my body and some woman is taking the place as Sara's girlfriend/the one getting chased. I'm just a third wheel trying to help them get to safety. Eventually we get to the road. It's autumn, cold, rainy. Leaves are falling from the painted-orange trees. A car pulls up and I look over at the other two and think "We're safe." They have the same look to them. Then a guy gets out and he looks like Taylor Handley (again, I had to look this guy up. I've only seen him in one thing, and it was Dawson's Creek a few years ago. It's strange how the brain stores hidden, insignificant information and visuals.) When I saw him exit the car and tell us to get in, I thought, "Great. Just like in the movies, he's supposed to be my knight in shining armor." I don't know why I thought that, but he smiled arrogantly, so it just got worse from there. The guy chasing us was closing in, and although I was thinking over whether I wanted to deal with this guy or the one chasing me, I eventually got in the car with Sara and her new girlfriend.

At some point in this dream, I actually remembered dreaming about the denim clothes that I wrote in this blog. I think writing these dreams down for so long is starting to make the memory of my waking life better.

Snake Playing Poker.

Dreamt my friend Anna visited me, but we never got to see each other. Anytime I would wake up, she'd be sleeping and vice versa. When I finally did wake up when she was awake, she wasn't herself anymore, she was an old elementary school friend. Also, she and my sister and I were playing poker with this snake/human hybrid. It was weird. It looked like a snake but it talked to us and could do human-like things... Like play poker. Anyways, my sister told the snake not to bite me or my sister because we were both pregnant.... Which we're not.

Fake Sister

Dreamt that I was hanging out with an ex-friend from high school. We were at Goodwill and the place was a mess, so I offered to help pick up all the clothes on the floor. When I finished, one of the workers came over and told me that I probably wouldn't get rewarded or anything for it because Goodwill is ungrateful and stupid. Eden (the ex-friend) and I meet up and she gets a phone call from her mother's friend and tells me that he's a creep and she hands me the phone to listen in, but I hang up a few minutes later completely disgusted. Then my dad walks over with this little girl I've never seen before and he tells me that she's my "little sister" and I get confused because I know I only have two older siblings and my sister looks nothing like her.

Then somehow I am on my parents' property and I'm still living with my family (my parents weren't divorced). My mom made dinner and was outside with everyone, so I snuck in to see what she made. After looking at all the food on the table, I noticed that I accidentally left the door open and let in a whole bunch of cats. I grabbed them individually (there had to be maybe ten or so) and threw them outside. I was pretty rough throwing them out for some reason, maybe out of embarrassment for letting them in. Anyways, once they are all thrown out, I realize it's raining and cold out. Then I hear mewing. It's a baby cat that I threw out. I felt awful throwing out such a little thing, so I rush over to pick him up but I notice he's a full-size cat and his legs are broken and bleeding from when I threw him. I feel so awful when I see he's broken in places. I can even see bones protruding out and I feel like the most horrible person that ever existed.

Visiting Dana In Madison.

My friend Dana spent the night here, so I dreamt that she and I were planning on having me come to Madison to see her. We were looking at our schedules and seeing what days worked.

Come To My Window.

Dreamt I heard Sara Quin singing a little bit of Leo Sayer's You Make Me Feel Like Dancing. Then I was walking down the street and I can hear this music playing in my head and I start strutting down the street. I. DON'T. KNOW. WHY.

Also dreamt I talked with my friend Anna on the phone.

Then I dreamt I was a little girl, maybe 6 years old, and I was alone in this hallway (that was also a thrift store) trying to put on this skirt that was too small. There were people one room away and their voices were getting closer and I was getting worried they would see my underwear. It was a family that walked in. I don't remember if the skirt ever got on, but I remember a little boy that the family brought in had a crush on me.

And also dreamt that I was in my old childhood bedroom and could hear the actress AJ Langer talking outside my bedroom (in the living room) about how she was getting married soon and that she was worried her budget wasn't going to work for it. She wanted to go back to college and she was 26 already. She was worried she wouldn't have a shot at going back to school. She started crying outside and left the house and walked around past my window and when she saw me she stopped and looked at me. I opened the window and she crawled in. I told her that I heard her dilemma and that I was so sorry about everything she was going through. She talked about her budget for a second and I listened intently. When she finished telling me her problem, I gave her a big hug. I had the urge to kiss her but I knew it was all in vain. Instead, I told her she was such a good friend to me. Suddenly my hair falls out in clumps while I hug her and I freak out. I scream a little and this father figure walks in. He's pissed that my hair was cut. Apparently the little boy from the last part of the dream had cut my hair without my knowledge. The father figure yells at me for getting into a situation like this and AJ tells me she's had similar stalker issues before. While this dad is yelling at me, AJ and I are pulling out the loose hair.

50s Party.

Dreamt my friend Heather called me. She needed to exchange money or a letter to my dad. My dad had to be at this 50's Party for work or something, so he was in a hurry. He tells me to let her know that she could meet him there but that she needs to wear a dress. She says, "NO!" and the phone is silent. I hang up after awhile and tell my dad that she'd meet him outside.

Also I dreamt I saw these photos of Tegan Quin in bed with some long-haired brunette. Only Tegan looked a LOT like a dude.

Tomato In My Mouth.

Dreamt that I was cleaning my house (although the house didn't really look like my own). I was doing laundry mainly and this felt really, really real. I also had sharp deja vu in this part of the dream, as if I had been in this house in real life. While cleaning, I felt really lonely. No one was home except me and I was worried about being alone.

Then I dreamt Devin's cousin and wife were in the backseat of my Mustang. Nobody was driving, I was just cleaning it out. I grab things out of the middle compartment and I see these strawberries (that eventually turn into tomatoes). I'm throwing all of them away in this bowl to throw away, grabbing handful after handful.. Suddenly I am in a kitchen instead of the car, although I don't notice this, and Devin's cousins are still there as well. Devin's cousin's wife tells me she wants me to save any of the tomatoes that still look okay, because she's really hungry. I give her the bowl and tell her to throw away what she doesn't want to eat. She takes the bowl and I walk off with eating a piece of a tomato and I hear a knock at the door. I go to open it and I see a friend from Australia in the doorway. I still have a bit of tomato in my mouth, so I point to my mouth and say, "Hi! ..Tomato in my mouth." She laughs loud and I follow suit and she hands me a gift.

Fishing For Humans.

Dreamt a weird one.. First, I was in a half-way point between being in my parents' pond to also being at the playground of my elementary school at the same time. It was weird. Maybe the playground was just really flooded, I don't know, but I remember swimming to "Woody" (what we called our favorite wooden (NON-PLASTIC, OY VEY I REMEMBER THE SPLINTERS NOW) playground equipment) and yelling at my boyfriend (he was in the water with his dad fixing a boat) to help me with something, but his dad wouldn't let him help me, so I got pissed and jumped back in the water and swam to shore. Now I am on my parents' property and I'm walking around the pond (away from my old house) and through the woods. Strangely the woods turns into what looks to be set up like an opera theater. I'm walking through these red velvet seats and I see this balcony. I overhear someone call it a "badminton". I walk up the steps and into the balcony and sit next to this girl (that was my friend in high school, but not anymore, I kind of hate her guts now). She has a blanket wrapped around her and when she sees me, she wraps it around me as well so that we're sharing. She starts feeling me up under the blanket, but I'm not grossed out, I'm just uncomfortable because I keep thinking she's only doing it to get attention from our classmates. I look down at the opera stage and it's not an opera stage but the pond, night-time. I can barely see the pond with all the trees in the way, but there is a spotlight pointed at it. Eventually the friend next to me turns into this guy and we are staring at the pond, curious. Then the opera house disappears and it is just me and this guy and we see a boat come into the view of the spotlight. There is a man in all black and he starts taunting us up above (we are on this cliff now instead of a balcony). He points at us and laughs. Then he grabs another guy in the boat (apparently the guy next to me is his brother) and he grabs these sharp scissors and pokes a hole in his cheek near his mouth and then puts a huge fish hook in the hole. The guy next to me and I are completely terrified, but we keep watching. Then the dark figure throws this guy over the side of the boat. The brother looks over at me and tells me we have to save him. I wake up while we start walking around the pond again.

Felt Up and Make-up.

Dreamt that I was waiting in the backseat of a car with two guys. My boyfriend's mom was driving and my boyfriend and his dad were outside trying to cut down a tree or something. His mom got out of the car to tell them to hurry, because we were going to be late for something. When she left the car, the two guys started trying to touch my thighs and feel me up. I was scared, I thought I was going to get raped.

Then I was with Devin somewhere and he made pizza and one of my friends, Nadia, was there for some reason. :)

Before all of this dream, although not linked or associated in any way, I dreamt that Ville Valo of the band HIM was at Sportsman's Bar waiting for a cab. My sister's friend John was going to take a picture of me and Ville, but I didn't have any make-up on, so I asked my sister if she had any make-up I could borrow. We started to walk to the bathroom so I could make myself presentable, but suddenly a crowd of women broke out amongst us and I lost her. The women were all getting suggestions for make-up and borrowing each other's things.