Planning To Break Him

Dreamt it was Xmas time and Sarah and I were visiting my brother and his family, although their house was my dad's house. They had a bed set up for me, and Sarah just wanted to sleep on the couch.

Then suddenly I'm back home. Devin leaves with two co-workers (these people don't exist, I do not know this people in real life) to pick up something he wanted to buy through a Craigslist ad. One of his co-workers was really creepy, trying to flirt with me, etc,

Then my sister and I are in my dad's porch, setting up Xmas decor. It feels like we are back at Joran and Jen's, but they weren't in the dream anymore. Music (the music I had playing in waking life) was playing. I'm putting ornaments up on the tree when Devin's weirdo friend walks in. He starts acting friendly again and tells me that Devin is indeed buying whatever the hell it was he went to look at. I just nodded, trying to get him to leave by seeming distant, but instead he comes closer and checks out my ass while I'm reaching to the top of the tree to put an ornament up. I pretend not to notice so that he leaves eventually, but instead he walks over, puts his hand up my skirt and touches me. Before I can even turn around to freak out, he's already leaving and out the door. Sarah has her head down, clearly saw what happened, but is too embarrassed to admit she saw it. I run after the guy, planning to break him. Destroy him. Instead, I yell/cry out the door that "I look like I'm fucking 12 years old. Does that make you a molester?"

Woke up.

Wizards Fighting

So.. I don't know why, but I dreamt a Harry Potter dream. It seemed like it was the end of the world, and like all end-of-world dreams I have, everyone gathers. Devin and I are driving through town and we see my brother Joran and my mom on the corner of the intersection by Walmart. We park the car and get out and stand next to them, staring up in the sky at two wizards on brooms (my brain decided to imagine Dumbledore and Voldemort) that seem to be fighting to the death. One of them (the bad guy) says he will "see you on the other side" and then disappears. Then the other guy disappears. When the bad wizard spoke, I seemed to understand and open this suitcase I am suddenly holding and grab out a coin. I put the coin in this slot to what looks like an ATM machine or old payphone. Doing this transported me to this other world where these wizards are now fighting.

Gay Ending.

Dreamt I was in college, corresponding through the internet. I'm working on math. Very confusing and impossible fractions, to be exact. My mom and sister and some random old lady are trying to help me with my homework, but at some point the old lady distracts me by noticing a pearl bracelet I'm wearing. I explain something about it, and then I get back to my homework and have to click on this link to talk to a small group of other classmates online and the link wouldn't show, it was broken. Then my mom gives me this graphic novel and tells me excitedly about it. It's this woman that looks only slightly like her. She's a detective and going through a divorce. (In real life, my mom has always wanted to be a detective thanks to shows like Matlock, Murder She Wrote, Perry Mason, Law & Order, etc.. She's also divorced.) So I look through the book, I remember lots of reds, yellows and blues in the book. Also, at some point the woman grabs a bunch of produce from a supermarket and starts chucking the fruit at her ex-husband's house.

This next part I cannot for the life of me make out. It's a bunch of scribbles on my journal. Here's the closest I can come up with:

Took photo camera sound T&S boyman ??? <- Boyman? Batman? Boothawn? Boy's hawn? I don't know.

Then I'm walking up the pond road where my family used to live and the ground is covered in snow. I notice my mom's legs sticking out of a plastic container-tub behind an electric fence. I go over and realize the electric fence isn't on, so I climb through and pull my mom out and she's drunk off her ass. Apparently she fell into it and didn't realize. So I walk her up the hill/road while she staggers.

Then I'm in a Walmart parking lot, looking into the back of a truck. Some guy is sitting in it and he has three stuffed animals that I had owned when I was little. One of them was "Frankie", my monster of frankenstein doll I cherished as a kid. I pointed him out and told the guy I wanted the doll back. He grabbed it but the doll was tangled up in the thread of the two other dolls. I climbed into the truck to help untangle him and the truck started moving and eventually parked in the driveway of the house I grew up in. The dream turned slightly sexual for a few minutes. The guy I was with kept brushing his hands near my thighs.

Then I'm in this city hall and there are tables all over the place, booklets with the word "Homophobia" and pictures of rainbows splashed on the covers. A person with the booklet tells me I missed the meeting. We were supposed to talk about the negative effects of homophobia. I talk to the person for a few seconds about it, and then I walk out of the building. I start walking down the street and I have my dog Moses with me. (He's a tiny little guy, half-Papillon, half-Chihuahua). I see my brother Joran in the doorway of an arcade room and he smiles at Moses and hugs me and says he misses us (the family. He lives in Florida.) Then he asks me where Sarah (sister) and Mom live, and I tell him they live in town above Sportsman's Bar and he looks half in anger, half in disappointment and says "I wonder why they never visit me, then." We both walk into the arcade room and Joran starts playing one of the games. My uncle Thane is standing next to him also playing a game. Joran wins a game and starts typing his name in but for some reason I saw, "Wecarealot" Which is a Faith No More song. Which is a band Joran loves. I point at the high scores and say, "That looks like "We Care A Lot" and Joran laughs and starts singing the song and some girl turns around behind us and puts her arm around Joran and sings along as well (and at some point they sing the words "gays and lesbos" in the song.. I remember that.)

Chicken Pox.

Dreamt I was camping. My mom is there along with the musician Tegan Quin. We all hear sirens off in the distance and think my dad got into a car accident or something. Mom thinks Dad started drinking again. Then a cop comes to the camper (we're inside the camper this whole time) and tells us that it's my brother Joran that got into the accident. We all start crying and I grab my phone out to call my sister, Sarah. I keep having to re-type in the numbers because I can't seem to get the whole number right. I keep hitting the wrong button towards the end. Finally it starts ringing and instead of getting my sister I get my brother's voicemail. After I tell everyone what the phone did (I know I called my sister's phone, but it magically called Joran's instead) Tegan says, "The technology of today is amazing for knowing to call Joran instead of Sarah.".....

Slight distraction. Everyone disappears and I have this red wig on. I look like Daphne from Scooby Doo. I'm still in the camper, and I look in a mirror and notice these red dots and circles all over my face. Soon enough, there are nurses at my side (dressed in starched white, almost what you'd wear for Tae Kwon Do classes except for the belts) and they grab me by the wrists and tell me I have chicken pox. I get wheeled through this strange astral plane that is blended from the campground and a hospital hallway. I'm weary, tired, so I tell them I need to see Tegan. I hear in this overhead speaker through the hospital hallway a nurse calling her name. Tegan is a doctor in my dream, I guess. This part is strange, because I'm still in this hospital bed the nurses are pushing, and yet I can see Tegan working on some patient in surgery far off in this other astral plane. I'm in this bright, white realm; She's in this orange-lit room. Also, at this point I was passing a lake (and yet still in the hospital) and she was on this island (and yet working on the patient). Finally I get to a room and they give me a gown to put on.

..... I'm back at the campground, outside, and this time my mom and dad are only there. We also have our dog Skippy that I had when I was little (deceased now), and my sister's dog (Romeo) and my dog (Bear) with us. I watch as these little people get into a boat from the dock and drive off. I tell my dad about what happened to Joran, and he says, "Nooo.. Jo Jordan is sick!" I look confused for a second because my dad looks sure of himself. Then I tell him that I heard the cop say the name Joran, not Jo Jordan. My dad finally gets worried and we decide to pack up and drive to where Joran is so we can visit him. We get everything in a van and are about to leave when the dogs run off. I try to run after them, but I can't see them anywhere. I know they are trying to follow where the little people went, though, so I look in the lake and see them swimming in that direction. Mom, Dad and I all try to catch them because I'm worried Bear will get hit by a car.





** Chicken Pox: I know I dreamt about this because of one of the latest Tegan & Sara blogs that Sara wrote.

8/19/10 - Moses died.

First, I remember finding a picture. It was of me, Sarah and Joran and our cousins Mike and Tracen. We were all little kids, but of the right ages between us all. We all look normal, except of course me. I look like a boy and I even have shaving cream all over my chin. And I'm making a goofy face at the camera. I even remember turning bright red and wondering why I had shaving cream on my face.


Then I'm in this airport terminal. A girl with brown hair and brown skin is crushing on me and she hugs me and we walk around for awhile but then we part ways.

Now I'm at my aunt Erin's trailer, and I have this drawing in my hand. It's just a bunch of doodles, and one is of this naked woman. I think nothing of it, so when I go to give my aunt Donna the drawing, she gets offended, crinkles the paper up, puts it in the trash can, and tells me she wants nothing to do with it. I grab the wad of paper and yell at her that I drew it, and it's nothing too horrible and not to get so bent out of shape about it. Then the lights go out. I look out the kitchen window and there is this big truck parked outside with its headlight beaming into my eyes. My sister tells me it's "her dad's truck" (we must not have been sisters in this dream ), and that we need to leave. We head out the door and down the driveway, but I notice a bunch of papers on the ground. Some are manuscripts of some sort. I seem to think my sister wrote these or something. I tell her what I see all over the place and she kind of just shrugs it off like it's nothing. I pick up a manuscript and take it with me when I climb into the truck.

Now I'm at this campsite, and I'm with Devin. We both notice that our dog, Moses, is gone. We walk around the campsite and I notice this dog that looks similar, only when I get closer to him, at his level, I notice the hair on his face is really long. I even had to move the bangs out of his eyes just to see if it was him or not. It wasn't him, though. It was just a dog of his breed, with long hair. The owner comes out of his camper and tells us we could have the dog if we wanted him, but I tell him I want MY dog. I then ask the man if he'll help us find Moses. He tells me that he has arthritis everywhere, and it hurts to walk. I respond to him that Devin could push him around in a wheelchair, and finally he obliges. We look around everywhere and we see my old childhood home on this campsite. I walk in and the place is a mess. Papers everywhere. I remember a printer was printing things out continuously. I notice a pink pen is on the computer desk, and that it's my aunt Erin's, so I grab it and put it in my pocket. I don't see my dog anywhere in the house, so I start looking at papers and eventually see this list of dogs' names. I notice Moses listed on it. It has birth dates and death dates. I see that next to Moses' name is a death date. It was 1902 or 1905, I don't remember. Anyways, I come to the conclusion that there is a man that owns this house, and that his son had stolen Moses and killed him. I start crying. Then Devin, this old guy, and I try to find our way out of the house because we suspect this evil killer is sitting in the dark getting ready to pounce on us.






Paper

• To see blank white paper in your dream, signifies your desire to make a fresh start in your life. You need to express yourself through writing or art. Alternatively, blank paper indicates that you need to work on being more communicative.

Truck

• To see a truck in your dream, suggests that you are overworked. You are taking on too many tasks and are weighed down by all the responsibilities. Pregnant women often dream of trucks or driving trucks. This may be a metaphor of the load they are carrying or an expression of their changing bodies.

Lose

• To dream that you lose something, indicates that you may really have misplaced something that you had not realized yet.

• Dog

• To see a dog in your dream, symbolizes intuition, loyalty, generosity, protection, and fidelity.

7/28/10 - Tornado!

I'm on my childhood property, at the pond. ((This is weird, because today I went down to the pond to drive my dad there so he could mow it and see it again)). In the dream, I'm with a bunch of people. A lot of my dad's family is there, and other people, some I don't know.. I'm fighting with most of them, not getting along.. Well, they're fighting with me, they don't approve of me or something. For some reason there is a TV attached to a tree and we look at it and see that a big storm is coming our way. What's interesting is that I remember the storm was coming to at a southeasterly angle, and usually they go northeast. Right over our area was a bright red cloud on the TV, so we all started running for the house. I was also looking at a map of the area with my sister, and in real life I actually was looking at a map of Wisconsin the night before, so I must have dreamt that part because of her. There were probably fifty people at the pond, so we were all trying to run through the woods to get to shelter. We knew a tornado was coming. When we get to the porch, there is a table with food and I don't know why, but I remember making a plate for my dad so that he'd have something to eat while waiting in the basement. Dad and some woman (that looked like Amy Sedaris when she played in Strangers With Candy) were the only ones there, and this Amy look-a-like was sitting on a bench eating as well.. I sit next to "Amy" and tell her she can come down to my basement. I also tell Dad that he, Mom, Sarah, Joran and his family can all go down to the basement as well. I meant at my house, which is a half-hour away from where we were, but at the time I didn't seem to realize the distance it would take to get there. Dad tells me he doesn't want to run anymore, that the tornado will be here soon. I tell him we don't have to run, and I walk to this door that is against one of the porch walls and I open the door. I show him that it is a secret passageway to my basement. (It seems like a transporting system, because it opens up right at the bottom of the stairs, right where you'd step to get to the floor from the stairs). He heads down and I wait for the rest of my family to show up so that I can tell them where the shelter is.

xx I woke up, wrote that, then fell back asleep... xx


I dreamt that the radio was on beside my bed (it really was, outside of my dream..) The song Don't Let Me Go by The Fray was on the radio, and in my dream I abhorred the song, so I tried to change the station, but it was on every station.


xx I woke up again, and tried to fall asleep, but as I was doing so, I was still quite awake but in a state of dreaming. I pictured very clearly myself sitting down against a white wall and yelling that everything was way too real, that I wasn't dreaming. That completely woke me up, so I wrote that down. Finally I fell asleep. xx


I dreamt again about the tornado coming. I was at my Aunt's, and we were getting a car my mom used to drive and we drove it to where I used to live growing up. (My aunt and parents lived next door to each other). People got into the car (Mom, Dad and maybe Sarah and Joran), and I saw about fifteen kittens crawling around by my feet and I could NOT leave them for the tornado to kill, so I tried to collect them and get them in the car. There were also three adult cats and one dog I had to save, but all the animals kept piling out every time I would put one in. All the while, my family waited surprisingly patient in the car for me to get them all in. I ended up waking up before I got them all in.





Fighting

• To dream that you are in a fight, indicates inner turmoil. Some aspect of yourself is in conflict with another aspect of yourself. Perhaps an unresolved or unacknowledged part is fighting for its right to be heard. It may also parallel a fight or struggle that you are going through in your waking life.

Storm

• To dream that you take cover in a storm, foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which refers to your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes.

Potato Chips

• To see or eat potato chips in your dream, symbolizes your overindulgent behavior. Perhaps you need to exercise more self control.

Basement

• The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction. It represents primal urges, animalistic desires and basic needs.

7/15/10 - Vampire Theater and Johnny Depp Golfing.

Saw Niki (sister's old friend.. why have I been dreaming about her lately? Haven't seen her in ages.) working in theater that acts like vampires work there. You have to move slow. Creep. Sarah, Joran, Devin, his family, and I were there. At one point people were laughing at me. I yelled, "What?" Because I didn't know why they were laughing at me. Eventually, they said that Devin's parents lied about not looking like I was 100 years old. I was fuming. I called Erin, my aunt, and for some reason I thought it was mom's fault that I looked old (I don't in real life. I look half my age). Anyways, my aunt said to me over the phone that Mom "had some green on her" (this meant pot). Also: Johnny Depp and some other actor that I hate were playing golf. Devin was flirting with his cousin Al's girlfriend, and Moses (my dog) needed to be watched while I was in the theater. Theater was my old house I grew up in. Looked like my old closet that was shared by two of the rooms in the house.

Vampire

• To dream that you are a vampire, signifies that you are sucking in the life energy of others for your own selfish benefit.

Marijuana

• To see or smell marijuana in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing an expanded sense of awareness and consciousness. You need to take advantage and draw insight from this new consciousness. The dream may also mean that you need to look on your inner strength for stimulation instead of relying on outside forces.